Slick Shyster Shenanigans

Pedro Perez is back. Yes, the one and only Pedro Perez, who just a couple of months ago was grandstanding about the new detention center outside of town. Our church secretary, Myra MacDonald, clipped his tailfeathers at a community meeting, calling him on the carpet for making misleading statements. Pedro went home humbled, but by no means discouraged. Then we held a meeting of our own where townspeople could get information and ask questions in an honest but non-inflammatory exchange of opinions. Pedro did not attend. Now he is back to raise a ruckus about "Cancer in the Colonias" with weekly luncheon meetings (lunch provided) to generate outrage about the issue. It may be a good cause for all I know, but if I were a betting woman I'd put money on Pedro positioning himself to run for County Commissioner.

Even in Smalltown, population about 12,500, we have people who think they can get away with something. It isn't just Pedro. The latest "Can You Believe This" story involves the pastor of the First Mega Holy Roller Hallelujah Church on the near west side of Sea City. He's a young guy in his thirties who drives a BMW and lives in a tony neighborhood not far from Smalltown which is about 25 miles northwest of Sea City. His church is loaded with rich people who donate lavishly.

Myra MacDonald met this pastor while helping her neighbor Sheila with a garage sale. The young man was browsing the unsold merchandise outside Sheila's garage late last Saturday morning. He was admiring some old baseballs and good-hearted Myra gave them to him. Then he admired the beanie babies and said his little boy would love one of those. "My kids like beanie babies," he said wistfully. Myra gave him one. Later he came back with his little girl and asked for another. He ended up with several.

Next thing we knew, Sheila had discussed the incident with her neighbor, Janice. Janice is an active member of the First Mega Holy Roller Hallelujah Church. Janice tells Sheila that this young man was bragging from his pulpit in Sunday's sermon that he had done some research on the Internet. He said he had acquired collector's item beanie babies for free at a garage sale and was selling them for a handsome profit on eBay. Janice has his sermon on tape and is getting ready to confront him about it. Myra has already called him to say tactfully that she gave him the beanie babies in error and needs them back. His response? "I'll have to talk to my kids about it. They'll be disappointed."

I feel sorry for him. Between Myra, Sheila, and Janice, he is going to realize that, as Jesus said, what one does in secret will one day be shouted from the housetops. In Smalltown, the time between a person doing something in secret and the secret being shouted from the housetops is usually about five minutes.