Poor Dear Aunt Harriet

Every family seems to have an "Aunt Harriet" in it somewhere. Aunt Harriet is the maiden aunt, or perhaps she is the widowed aunt whose husband, Uncle Horace, died 20 years ago. Aunt Harriet lives alone and her family feels sorry for her. "Poor dear Aunt Harriet," they muse. "How hard it must be for her to live alone." Or "Alone without dear Uncle Horace with her any more."

Meanwhile, let us pull open the curtains on poor dear Aunt Harriet's life and see what she is really up to. She may have, or have had, any number of occupations but let us say that this Aunt Harriet was a schoolteacher for years before she retired. Having been single for a long time, she has acquired the virtue of financial prudence. She may grow a garden. She knows plenty about how to stretch a food dollar at the grocery store. While others around her panic over their looming foreclosures, Aunt Harriet knew long ago not to buy more house than she could afford. So poor dear Aunt Harriet's house is paid off. So is her car.

Everyone thinks Aunt Harriet is lonely. Evidently they are unaware that over the last three weekends, she has been playing cards with nearby friends, attending meetings at her church and civic club, and taking in a local town festival. During other weeks she has traveled to cities to see friends who live further away. She has checked out a special museum exhibit, viewed a theatrical performance, and attended a symphony orchestra concert.

Aunt Harriet stays in touch with a horde of friends as well as family. She knows what is going on in their lives, both positive and negative. She has a pile of books that she will get around to reading when she has time. She is well versed on local, national, and international events because she follows them with interest. She has several favorite charities that are grateful for her support.

If Aunt Harriet was married at one time, then she misses Uncle Horace. They had a good life together. She looks at his picture often. But she does not miss the TV being tuned to football, basketball, baseball, or NASCAR eight hours a day. If Uncle Horace had a long illness before she died, she does not miss all the caregiving she had to do for him. If he was diabetic, she does not miss worrying whether he was taking his shots or whether his blood sugar would get so out of whack he would fall into a coma.

Her nieces and nephews enjoy her company. Years of teaching taught Aunt Harriet to understand kids. When one of those young people has a crisis, Aunt Harriet is a friend in need and a friend indeed. She helps where she can. Aunt Harriet often gives wise counsel during family crises because she is a step removed from the situation. But she is grateful not to be the parent who has to to deal with the child's relationship issues, drug or alcohol addiction, or court date for that recent shoplifting episode. When Aunt Harriet herself is ill or in need of help, swarms of grateful people are there to assist her.

In all my years in churches, I have not heard one sermon celebrating what is good about Aunt Harriet's life. Nobody seems to talk about singleness as a viable option for a Christian. Given that the North American divorce rate hovers at around 50 percent, I am intrigued as to why that might be. I have a theory about it, but that is another story for another time.

Aunt Harriet does not get mentioned much in church, nor does she garner newspaper headlines or interviews on TV. She does not mind in the least. She is too busy to notice. While everyone else is getting out of the stock market, Aunt Harriet is quietly buying more stocks. She has been around long enough to know that what goes down will come up again and vice versa. She thinks long term.

Poor dear Aunt Harriet.