So Many Stories I Can't Keep Up

Smalltown church members say what they think. It is refreshing and at times startling. At the recent "Dazzling Disciples" banquet, our church's equivalent of the Academy Awards, Billy-John MacDonald was nominated for an award and received it for his outstanding performance in church groundskeeping. I'm being facetious, but seriously he does a great job at this. After receiving the award and getting his photo taken with the bishop, Billy-John with the rest of us had to sit through about 100 other people getting awards. We did not know any of them. That was when I got caught stuffing my face with cookies, described in a previous blog entry. Billy-John sat as long as he could, but finally had to make a pitstop. On his way out of the banquet hall in First Cathedral Church in Sea City, he stooped down to address Tom Harvey, another church member who received an award that night. "Hey Tom," he whispered in a booming voice. "I'm gonna go relieve myself. You want to join me?" Tom's eyebrows shot up into his forehead and the whites of his eyes were visible across the room as he freaked out. Women do make restroom trips into social occasions. But I've never seen a man do it. Except for Billy-John!

There was more bathroom humor today at the church's monthly "Eat Healthy Live Interminably" luncheon. Each month, around ten Smalltown church members gather in the church fellowship hall under the expert guidance of our staff nurse. We each bring a healthy dish and its recipe to share, and receive a short lesson from the nurse on healthy eating, weight loss, heart disease prevention, or the health-related issue du jour. We got into a discussion of the necessity of eating fruits and vegetables. Flora, Myra MacDonald's sister, was present. (She was the one who, when she had acres of rain in her yard, told us she would start raising ducks.) Today Flora listened to Sandra Morrison extolling the benefits of citrus fruit such as oranges and grapefruit. Flora commented in her deep Texas voice, "Can't do it. They make mah butt raw if ya know what Ah mean." A few others acknowledged that Flora had provided enough information that they knew exactly what she meant. The discussion went on. Later Lola Flushpoole offered us oranges hand-picked from her own garden and promised, "They won't do what Flora says they'll do." Flora responded, "Ah hope not. Those oranges from the grocery store, they're good, but they almost turn me inside out."